The Monkey and the Moon
by Imadra Blue
Summary: Byakuya Kuchiki to Renji Abarai, Bleach Chapter 142 - "Let me tell you about the difference between you and me. It's like the story of the monkey trying to capture the moon." Slash.


**Pairing:** Byakuya/Renji  
**Disclaimer:** _Bleach_ is the property of Tite Kubo. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**Notes:** Takes place after Aizen's theoretical defeat and refers to the speculated fates of a few characters. Will no doubt be rendered AU when Tite Kubo finishes the Aizen storyline. The title and the quote are probably rather commonplace for a Byakuya/Renji fic, but I hope my take on it is not quite so unoriginal.

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Winter gives way to spring, and Aizen and Gin rot in Hell, where they have always belonged. Only Hinamori and Rangiku mourn their passing. Tōsen sits in the Maggot's Nest, meditating in the cell that once belonged to Captain Kurotsuchi.

Renji does not think of the blood spilt during the winter, of all the Shinigami that even Orihime could not save. He does not think of Sado, lost forever in hollow form, wandering the deserts of Hueco Mundo. He does not think of Uryū, returning home alone, glasses reflecting the sunlight. He does not think of how young Ichigo and Orihime looked when they were buried on top of a hill in Karakura Town.

Sometimes, Renji and Rukia walk through Rukongai, searching for them, but to no avail. People rarely find their lost loved ones in the never-ending streets of Rukongai, even if those people are Shinigami. Rukia promises that Ichigo and Orihime will emerge when the time is right, but she looks no less heartbroken than Renji feels. They return to Seireitei, and Renji to his duties as Sixth Division Lieutenant. Even for the dead, life goes on.

It will be a long time before either Renji or Rukia can smile as easily as they once did. Renji copes in the same fashion he has always coped—he works and trains. In the wake of Aizen's destruction, he is kept busy enough that he need not dwell too long on his lost friends.

Work distracts Renji, especially when he finds his captain in his garden. This is where Byakuya belongs, surrounded by flowers, shihakushō ruffling in the wind. Whenever Renji reports to Byakuya in his office, he always thinks how out of place Byakuya looks, a cherry tree planted inside of a building. Inside, there is no opportunity for Renji to pick fallen petals off Byakuya's hair. He cannot experience the thrill of brushing his fingers against Byakuya's cheek when Byakuya turns his head. That Byakuya allows that indiscretion, no matter how insignificant, always surprises Renji. Byakuya is not in the habit of tolerating any indiscretion, insignificant or otherwise.

Other lieutenants are more familiar with their captains. Yachiru calls her captain "Ken-chan" when no other being would dare. She is more daughter than lieutenant to him, and what binds them is not duty, but love. That someone loves a man as fearsome as Kenpachi Zaraki leaves Renji feeling empty and defeated. There is no one to love Renji, and no one for him to love. He wants to love Rukia, but he does not allow himself. If, as Byakuya once suggested, Renji is a monkey trying to capture the moon's reflection in a lake, Rukia stands on the distant shore of that lake.

Rukia is so much more than she ever was in Renji's company. When Renji realizes this, when he realizes how she has flourished without him, he trains until he bleeds, and then trains more. He will never swim to the distant shore and tell her about the feelings that twist and coil inside of him. She is better off without him—and _better_ without him. Renji focuses on the moon, for Byakuya could be no worse off for Renji's affections, since Renji now knows that Byakuya's mansion is empty—it holds his wife's shrine and no more.

Monkey or not, Renji knows that the moon is not in the lake. It is in the sky, and he builds a ladder to capture it, a ladder made of blood and sweat and pain. He created the ladder the moment he met the moon. He knows his ladder may never reach, but he will not stop building it. He does not know how.

Renji no longer wants to bite the moon, not since he realized Byakuya was capable of love. He wants to hold the moon and never let it go—he wants all the things of the moon that he once wanted of the white-throated beauty who stands on the distant shore. At night, Renji dreams of Kuchikis and wonders if he is attracted to impossibility.

It does not hurt when Rukia asks to be assigned to Karakura Town. After so long without finding Ichigo or Orihime, it seems natural that she would return to the place that her dearest friends called home. Renji says farewell to her without rancor, and her kiss no longer makes him ache for more. He watches her go with a lump in his throat, and his fingers feel cold when he touches his own cheek. But it does not hurt.

Byakuya never speaks of Rukia after her departure. He does not check his messages for her correspondence as Renji does. But Renji knows that Byakuya misses her, for his fingers close over his mobile phone every day, and he often stares in the direction of the senkaimon she disappeared through. Whenever Renji mentions her name, Byakuya changes the subject. He will not speak of his feelings; he never does.

At the end of every lieutenants' meeting, Renji stands outside of the building, watching Zaraki swing Yachiru onto his back. He watches as Rangiku hugs a scowling Hitsugaya to her ample bosom. He watches as Kyōraku puts a gentle hand on Nanao's shoulder. He watches until the streets fall silent, and then Byakuya comes for him. Byakuya hands him a bag of taiyaki, and Renji thinks it is an apology.

Now that the war has ended, the Shinigami rebuild. New captains walk around in their white haori, and new lieutenants appear at the lieutenants' meetings. When asked to become Captain of the Fifth Division, Renji accepts. His new haori feels awkward, and he thinks he looks ridiculous. He tries to soften the look with a hollowfur cowl and a hollowtooth necklace, but he still finds his reflection a stranger. His tattoos extend to his knees now, though no one sees them but him. At his commencement, he thinks Byakuya smiles, but he cannot be sure if a shadow shifted over Byakuya's mouth instead.

Hinamori is slow to accepting Renji, but she is slow to everything now. She spends most of her time standing in front of the building where Aizen staged his death, staring at the faint bloodstain that cannot be scrubbed clean. Renji knows he should ask for another lieutenant and demote Hinamori, but he does not have the heart. He accepts her duties as his own, and when he attends the lieutenants' meetings, he stays to watch Byakuya collect his new lieutenant. Renji's mouth turns to paper as he leans against the banister, waiting. Byakuya arrives with a bag of taiyaki, and Renji casts his gaze down, thinking Byakuya brings it for his new lieutenant. The bag is thrust beneath his nose, and Renji grabs it with a snarl of thanks. Byakuya walks away without comment, and his lieutenant falls into step beside him. Renji munches on the taiyaki and still thinks it is an apology.

At the captain's meetings, Renji stands beside Byakuya, rigid and unbending. He misses his old division, but most of all, he misses Byakuya. They are the same rank now, with the same responsibilities, but they are not the same. Byakuya still shines in the moon, beyond the reach of the monkey on the ladder.

As Captain, Renji has less time to walk the streets of Rukongai in search of Ichigo and Orihime. Yet, he continues to walk them at every opportunity. He will no more stop looking for them than stop trying to capture the moon. One day, he thinks, he will find them at the Shinigami Academy, Ichigo in blue and Orihime in red, training to join the Gotei 13. Until that day, Renji hopes they are happy, for no matter how many tattoos mark his body, he is not happy. He does not want that for his friends.

The latest captains' meeting takes so long that it is nightfall when they leave. Byakuya steps out onto the quiet streets, his _ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu_ glittering beneath the moonlight. Renji gazes at Byakuya's thick hair, unfortunately bereft of flower petals to pick off. Byakuya stands apart from the other captains milling about, a cherry tree planted at the top of a hill. Renji reflects that he and Byakuya are not so different. They both live in empty houses.

Renji tires of climbing towards the moon and decides to jump for it instead. With an entire flock of hell butterflies in his stomach, Renji jabs at Byakuya's shoulder. Byakuya pauses and turns around, his expression as cold as Rukia's zanpakutō.

"Tea?" Renji asks, finding that stringing words into a sentence has become a daunting task.

Byakuya's right eyebrow crawls upward. "Excuse me?"

"Tea." Renji clears his throat and stares at a building rather than Byakuya. "Would you like to have tea with me? Yes or no?"

"If you wish."

It is not a yes-or-no answer, but Renji accepts it all the same. He leads Byakuya back to his division lodgings, unsure if his jump was high enough. As Renji brews the white tea that he knows Byakuya loves, Byakuya moves papers off of a chair and sits down. He remains silent when Renji serves him the tea, as Renji has thousands of times before. Byakuya stares at Renji until Renji thinks his skin will slough off. He sits and stares at his hands.

"If you have something to say, you should say it," Byakuya tells him in between sips of tea.

There are so many things Renji has to say. Most of them he will never be able to say. The truth is this: while Renji can tell Byakuya to go to Hell, he cannot tell him how he feels. Once, he would have fought Byakuya to the death, but now he cannot look him in the eye. When Renji hears Byakuya's footsteps, he does not look up. He waits for the sound of the door to slide open as Byakuya leaves, but the sound never comes.

When Renji looks up, Byakuya is standing before him, his expression as closed as a flower bud. Refusing to allow Byakuya to look down on him any longer, Renji stands up. His hands turn to ice, but his face feels on fire. He presses his lips to Byakuya's and grips Zabimaru, expecting that he will need to defend himself. He tastes tea on Byakuya's tongue.

To Renji's surprise, Byakuya kisses back and tugs out Renji's hair tie. As Byakuya's fingers run through his hair, Renji closes his eyes and thrills. Renji trails his lips down Byakuya's neck and listens to Byakuya sigh, a sound that reminds Renji of wind in the branches of a cherry tree. As Byakuya's shihakushō rustles to the floor, Renji feels a fire as powerful as Kikōō burning inside of his heart. He holds Byakuya tight and decides to never let him go.

Renji slides his hands over Byakuya's porcelain skin and thinks that the monkey has finally captured the moon.


End file.
